I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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