you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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