just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
