He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
