apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
