the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize