you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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