Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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