I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
