peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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