they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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