dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
