Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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