She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
