Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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