3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
