Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
