why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
40s are totally the cure
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
