Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
