i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
