He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
