Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
