Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
