my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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