It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize