I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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