i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
