Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
