And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
