How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How does one acquire holy water?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
