She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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