That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
