you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
