One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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