So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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