Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just want nice things and good sex
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
