If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
