I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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