I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
