my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
