thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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