I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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