Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
