I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
