So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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