I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
