dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
