I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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