I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
