sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize