i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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