he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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