How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
