My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
