Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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