Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
