did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
