is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
