Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
