the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
