Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
