i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize