The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
