he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
