she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
